A Fairly Reasonable Bucket List for a Person with Little Reason

1.  Buy a bucket

• Fill my bucket with tasks I must complete before I figuratively kick the bucket
• Try not to literally kick the bucket

2.  Find a real everlasting gobstopper

3.  Put a tracking device on Waldo

4.  Convince insurance companies to offer 365 free apples with all healthcare plans

• Void copays if an apple a day does not, in fact, keep the doctor away

5.  Spend a week speaking with nothing but cliches

6.  Teach an old dog new tricks

7.  Play at a paintball arena like the one in 10 Things I Hate about You

8.  Find the Fountain of Youth

• Fill it with green food coloring
• Convince the natives that it's contaminated

9.  Reclaim all the socks my dryer has eaten

10. Enforce the mandatory use of name tags at events where I'm likely to forget people's names

11. Open a restaurant with a separate seating section for vegetarians

12. Hire a male maid to polish my bucket

• Refer to my maid as my man servant
• Have my man servant accept his title with pride

13. Listen to WHAM! for 24 hours straight to see what happens

14. Bite a shark

15. Invent a time machine and place it in a busy elevator

16. Learn to play the maracas

• Train my neighbors to instinctively form a Conga line whenever I practice

17. Rename bunt cakes huge donuts

18. Make people who do not follow politics choose their political parties through a game of craps

19. Write an internationally bestselling novel

• Learn more languages so I can recognize my own book

20. Cheer up conspiracy theorists by placing garden gnomes on their porches while they sleep

21. Change the final round of American Idol to a game of rock, paper, scissors

22. Play Ouija without cheating

23. Receive an honorary Ph.D. from Harvard on the merit of being wicked awesome

24. Travel to Ireland

• Meet a short Irish man
• Call him my leprechaun
• Take his pot of gold

25. Hide said pot of gold in my polished bucket